It's "Who You Know," And Is That So Bad?

They say that to “get ahead,” it’s not what you do, it’s who you know.

Our first reaction when hearing that might be, “Nepotism!!” or “Privilege!”

And yes…those things are real. Nor are they right.

But I’m going to take things in a more positive spin today. I actually think that in many cases, it’s a GREAT thing that who you know helps you out in life.

Why?

Because it is just one more reason to be kind. To connect with people who are different from you. To be patient and polite when you don’t feel like it…after all, you never know when it’ll come in handy to be on good terms with someone.

Now, should we be nice just because it’ll benefit us somewhere down the line?

No. Of COURSE not.

Let’s be kind because we consider the experiences of other people. Because it’s the good-human thing to do. Because we know how it feels.

Furthermore, being nice just to benefit ourselves would be a really exhausting motivation, considering very few people will be able to help you out at some point. It makes a lot more sense to just build connections as your default setting because it aligns with your values.

Here comes the but…

BUT being nice to people does pay off sometimes. Let me give you a few recent examples in my own life.

This school year, we wanted to get our 4-year-old daughter into the free preschool offered by designated public elementary schools in Florida. Daycare is EXPENSIVE, so this would be a huge “raise” for our wallets…not to mention, we had the best experience 2 years ago when our older son was in the public preschool program!

In fact, we developed a wonderful relationship with his preschool teacher. Let’s call her Ms. Brown (a pseudonym). She even came to his birthday party, and we are still in touch two years later.

To our disappointment, our daughter was put on the waitlist for the preschool. We didn’t really understand why…we thought we’d applied in time. They said we are not zoned for that elementary school, but the elementary school in our zone doesn’t offer the free preschool, so it didn’t make much sense to us. Nonetheless, we didn’t have a choice, so we resigned ourselves to another year of paying out the wazoo for daycare.

UNTIL Ms. Brown texted me and said, “Why don’t I see your daughter on my roster??” We explained the situation, and she informed me that because we’re a military family, our daughter should’ve automatically been secured a spot. School was starting in just 10 days, though, so the class was probably already truly filled - even if there HAD been a mistake.

You guys.

I got a call yesterday morning - only one week exactly until school starts - that our daughter got a spot! Turns out Ms. Brown took time out of her extremely busy prep week to talk to the powers-at-be and secured our daughter her rightful place in state-funded preschool.

Can you believe???

We’ve loved Ms. Brown for years with no ulterior motives, but BOY did our relationship come in handy! We are endlessly grateful.

Another quick example is that our beloved babysitter had to call out this week because of Covid. I have a very busy week of work, and was STRESSED. (School has not yet started, and summer camps are over.) 

Luckily, I’ve developed the BEST relationships with a group of women at our church, and they sent me a billion names of teenagers they know who might be able to help me out last minute. I was able to cover the hours I needed using 3 different young ladies on 3 different days, none of whom I would’ve had access to or been willing to trust so easily if not for the friendships I’ve developed these last 2 years living here in Florida.

These situations might not exactly be about “getting ahead,” but being on great terms with people sure can make life easier when you’re in a lurch.

I do believe that if we don’t have people we can count on, it’s often a reflection of our willingness to show up generously for the people we come across in life. Not everyone has to become a close friend, but when we go out of our way to be kind, that kindness is repaid in full.

This reciprocity of generosity is something author Glen Van Peski and I talk a lot about in the episode of Paring Down called How Living with Less Inspires Generosity. If you haven’t listened to it yet, it’s a great one! Click here to tune in.

I hope you enter this next week with kindness on your heart.