Bachelorette Recap, Tayshia, Ep. 11: Hometowns in No One's Hometown

It’s hometowns!! But not in anybody’s hometown. 

Chris Harrison drops the unsurprising news that instead of traveling to each of the final four’s houses (or fake parent houses that are rented just for filming to make the contestants look richer than they actually are), their families have flown to La Quinta Resort to meet Tayshia.

Well, everyone except Ben’s parents because his dad is a doctor and was like “LOL we’re in a global pandemic and I’m very busy saving lives. Good luck on your dating show, son.”

Brendan is up first! Wearing a completely unbuttoned safari romper with a little bandeau desperately trying to hold in her enormous tatas, Tayshia jumps and straddles Brendan, who is unprepared for this timeless tradition of hometown greetings. He literally goes, “Should I spin you...or..?” Act natural, B!

Honestly, I completely missed where Brendan is from, but apparently it’s a small town in the midwest where they have lots of carnivals. He has fair games set up to play with Tayshia and surprise! His tween niece joins them! Brendan does a parent trap inspired handshake with Aliyah, his niece, which proves he isn’t pretending that they’re close. Nice touch!

At one point, they all start dancing to music playing from a producer’s iPhone and all I can say is Brendon has a LOT of confidence.

That evening, Tayshia gets to meet his brother, sister-in-law, and of course--back to join them--Aliyah. Brendan’s family is very normal and they have an almost italian vibe with the amount of man tears shed as the brothers chatted about being dads, so I’m thinking Tayshia really can’t go wrong if she marries this dude. (He also just happens to be my favorite.)

Brendan and Tayshia wrap things up with a makeout sesh by the property fountain and I’m trying to not compare how lovely that was with the circus that was Pilot Pete’s hometowns. Specifically when he visited my very own hometown of Virginia Beach and the night ended with Victoria having a meltdown in a suburban front yard. That was a low point in Bachelor history.

Brendan doesn’t tell Tayshia he loves her, but he should because he does.

Next up is Zac. Zac clearly excites Tayshia the most, but if she wants my opinion (which she doesn’t), there’s no way he won’t break her heart down the road. 

For now, though, they have a blast “hailing a cab” in “New York City” for his hometown. Their wooden cab that requires them both to do a deep squat in tandem each time they lifted it drove them to get bagels and schmear, followed by a slice of New York pizza. Zac heavily judges Tayshia for putting blueberries on her bagel like only a girl from Orange County would, but she owns her decision and I like that level of confidence in our leading lady. But honestly, I was on Zac’s side here. The final stop is a bench with a backdrop that makes me think they’re sitting at a park in Hoboken, but I’ll try not to be one of those stuck up people who over analyzes every “location” in New York city just to prove that they know their way around the City.

I looked down for two seconds to wipe some red wine off my sleeve and when I look back up, Tayshia and Zac are full clothed in a fountain, getting hot and heavy under the water. We all know that the staff and drunk dudes pee in hotel fountains, but Zac and Tayshia’s love knows no bounds.

Zac’s family is surprisingly perfect. His mom is adorable and sweet and his dad and brother are upstanding and supportive. Tayshia is beaming. Zac might be her guy.

Next up-- Ivan! Again, I never quite figure out where he’s from, but they spend the day cooking Filipino food and suddenly I have a massive hankering for some lumpia. The good news is that even though we don’t have a Chipotle or other basic food resources in my little town of Ketchikan, Alaska, we do have a large Filipino population which means I can literally order lumpia from any restaurant on the island, including the pizza parlor.

Ivan’s dad is a deep man with a calming presence. He has that quiet dignity that makes me want to listen to his wisdom with a cup of tea and/or flee the premises because I worry my heavily millennial presence will disappoint him. 

I try to ignore the two teardrop tattoos beneath Ivan’s brother’s right eye, because Ivan already warned us that his brother has a colorful history. But. I mean. He has murder on his face. Am I allowed to type that? I’m just a measly Bachelor recapper!! I do not know ex-gang member protocol when it comes to reporting about them.

Ivan and his brother clearly have a special bond besides their glaring differences, and I’m not exactly opposed to his brother being nominated as the next Bachelor. 

Finally, we get Ben’s hometown! He’s from Indiana (look at me finally listening closely!) but their date will “take place” in L.A. because he’s a grown man and identifies his home as where he lives, not where he grew up. Half respectable, half offensive.

They rollerblade down the “boardwalk” and stop at a “juice bar” followed by a tourist shop. Hah--drinking green juices is definitely super L.A. Call me crazy though, I’d rather be eating bagels and pizza with Zac in New York.

Ben reminds her his dad is a doctor, which is why his parents didn’t come, but tonight she gets to meet his sister and a family friend. Turns out that family friend is celebrity chef Antonia Lofaso from Top Chef! I’m so excited!! I don’t think Tayshia had any idea, but I was fully HERE for the crossover of two of my favorite reality TV shows. 

Antonia privately tells Ben that he’s clearly in love with Tayshia. Ben is surprised to hear this news even though it’s literally about his own feelings. Bursting with happiness about this revelation, he decides he’s going to tell Tayshia!

But as they’re parting ways for the evening, Benny Ben clams up and stammers and ultimately drops the ball. Tayshia walks away clearly disappointed that Ben was unable to say whatever was on his mind.

At the rose ceremony, I’m convinced we’re saying goodbye to Ivan. He’s the only one she’s clearly not all that attracted to on a visceral level. That chemistry is missing even though on paper they’re perfect for eachother. 

Roses go to:

IVAN

Whatttt??????!!!! 

ZAC

I start hyperventilating because I’m 95% sure she’s about to send Brendan home. Ben is in love with her and he hasn’t told her yet and what does this all mean??

BRENDAN.

I’m relieved but shocked! Ben goes home. He stonewalls her a bit when she walks him out, but what’s the guy supposed to do? He is a man who struggles with feelings who FINALLY let himself fall in love, but then gets sent home without getting the courage to tell her. She just interprets his blank expression as not caring, and we all just wish she could crawl inside his head and understand like we all do.

Next week is fantasy suites! Please God let them all at least get different suites on the resort instead of Tayshia filing them through her own bed one night at a time. 

Another twofer week! We’ve almost made it, folks!